The Things We Need To Say
by SniperCT
Summary: In a brief moment of downtime, Gwen seeks out Peter, hoping to say the things she never got to say.


She found Peter hanging on a wall outside, sipping a slurpee. The streetlights made the lines on his face deeper and more shadowed, an emphasis on a hard, tiring life.

But she could see he had the same jaw as her Peter, and the same eyes. Gwen was seeing her best friend again, alive, and yet it was kind of _sad_. She wondered if the obvious shambles his life had become was her destiny too; she'd already pushed everyone away until all that remained was Spider-woman. What else was there but Spider-man for Peter Parker?

His very _existence_ was disconcerting and she hadn't let herself really _think_ about it until now. Until she was staring up at him, the living proof that there were worlds where Peter had lived, and ones where he'd been the one given that great responsibility.

Gwen was almost afraid to ask what had become of _her. And she knew there'd been a her_, from the flicker of recognition in Peter's eyes when she'd removed her mask.

His slurping echoed off the wall. "Gonna stand there all day staring, kid?"

Sighing, she jumped up, settling on the wall to his right, a few feet away. Gwen didn't say anything at first and just looked up at the sky. The street. Finally at Peter. "This is _really_ weird."

He shrugged a shoulder, face impassive. "You just learn to kind of roll with it. This isn't even in the top ten weirdest things that's ever happened to me. Give it time, eventually you'll long for the days where you fell through an interdimensional doorway and had to stop a black hole from forming under Brooklyn."

"You look like him. Just older and sadder and pudgier." She managed a grin and he actually smiled.

Gwen couldn't say why. Maybe it was seeing Peter's smile again. Maybe it was the realization that this might be her only chance to tell him the things she never got to say. The words came tumbling out and it was like he was her best friend, _her_ Peter. "I killed him. Not on purpose and not… but I might as well have. If I'd noticed what was going on with him, if I hadn't … He took a serum, and it turned him into this lizard monster. But I didn't know it was him until the fight was over and the serum had killed him."

Her throat was thick and her voice tight by the time she finished. She was speaking more to the past then the present as she added, "He meant the world to me and I never told him that. Never told him that he made the world a better place, a brighter one. He's _dead_ and I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry."

Peter had the sense to look abashed when he hit the bottom of the slurpee just then, and tossed it into the trash on the other side of the street. He looked at her. "I wish I could say I don't understand. It's been fifteen years. I say I've moved on, but I can still hear…"

His nostrils flared and he started over. "Gwen and me were an on and off thing in college. At the time I'd been slinging webs for four or five years and I thought I had it down to a science. I was confident in my abilities. And then the Goblin figured out who I was, and he used Gwen for leverage."

"What did he do?" Or maybe Gwen should have just asked _how_ it happened. How did she die.

"We were on the bridge and he let her go. There was no time to swing down to catch her, so I used my webbing. But I didn't even _think_ about the whiplash."

Gwen's hand went to her throat, eyes widening. She could almost _feel_ the snap, her imagination a visceral thing. "If it makes you feel better I ...I wouldn't have either."

"I've practiced a thousand times so that would never happen again. But it doesn't make up for that first time." Peter looked at her, "So I'm sorry too. For failing her. For all the times I failed her, all the chances I didn't take."

Could she have loved him as more than a friend? Or would they have found someone else to love? She didn't know, and she'd never get the chance to find out. But it was nice to know he was alive, somewhere. "Does it get any easier, Pete? Losing people."

"Can't save everyone. And it doesn't, really. It's hard every time. But it's still worth it. Except the pizza, so many good slices, lost forever."

Not entirely sure she agreed it was worth it, Gwen dropped her hand from her throat. She'd pushed away everyone to protect them. To protect _herself_. To stop from hurting the way this Peter had been hurt. She hadn't stopped to consider that her actions might push her down his road early. "If you had a chance to do things different, would you? I don't mean saving people, I just mean getting _close_ to them."

"I don't like being lonely and I tried the whole loner bit for a few years. It was awful and it's awful all over again. So no, I wouldn't change that." He shrugged. "Kind of wish I could get a chance to fix a few mistakes but that's not happening. That's okay, Wade tells me Death is a real looker."

Gwen's lips thinned out. "I could stay."

"You've got your life ahead of you, mistakes to make and to fix. Peni too. And I'm not sure I'd trust the talking pig and the man fascinated by a rubix cube with this. I'm the best choice, the _only_ choice."

She frowned, folding her arms. Peter reached over and awkwardly patted her shoulder. "Really. It's okay, Gwen. I've got this."

"What do you think will happen with Miles? He's not ready now but..."

"Give him a few years and he'll be better than I ever was," Peter declared. "Almost wish I could have given him a few more pointers." He looked at her. "Just remember the talcum powder, my _god_ you have to remember the talcum powder…"

Gwen snorted. "I figured that one out the hard way."

He grinned, silent for a moment before his eyes widened. "Oh my god."

"What?"

"It makes so much more sense now. This must be what it's like to have _bublets_."

She gave him a concerned look. "I … don't follow."

Peter just laughed and stood, horizontal from the wall as he wiped his hands. "Don't worry about it, kid. Do you think Peni is done with the goober?"

Gwen stood as well. She stared at him for a moment, mulling over his words and everything else that had happened since she'd been blown into last week. She felt a connection with Miles. She wanted to be his friend, even if leaving him would hurt her again. But she didn't think Miles would give up. Not on that or anything really. They'd have to tie him down to keep him from trying to help. She admired that.

"Do you need a hug or something?" Peter asked, eyeing her warily. "Trying not to give that weird uncle vibe but you look like you need a hug and I remember all the times I nee-"

"Shut up." Gwen wrapped her arms around him. Peter was going to die for her _again_ and she thought that maybe he needed a hug more than she did. "And thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," he said. "This could still all go horribly wrong."

"Doesn't it always?"


End file.
